To Be Messy or Not To Be

I've read these posts about appreciating the mess in your house because you have kids, because, it won't last long, because you have life in your house, etc.  Yes, those things are SO true.  My stomach hurts, my heart aches, and sometimes I cry thinking about my sweet babies growing up and leaving the nest.  But, it is so wrong that I want my house clean as well?  I think not.  Look, I'm not going to kill myself keeping a perfectly clean house.  I'm not going to obsess, when once upon a time I did, and honestly that would be OK as long as it isn't interfering with your relationships.  All I'm saying is that there is a balance to be found, that is different for each of us.  If that is an obsessively clean house because that allows you have a clear head and enjoy your children more, PERFECT!  If that is a semi messy house because you are comfortable with that and that's what you can manage, PERFECT!  If that is a very messy house because you honestly don't care and you like making the messes with your kids because that's super fun for you, PERFECT!  Find what works for you and stop stressing over fitting into whatever new blog post ideas or theories that pops up that day.  I have my own idea about how my house should look and it's just that, MY own idea.  I keep up as best I can, some days I'm on point and other days it looks like an entire army of children came into my house and opened every closet, cabinet, and pantry door and unloaded everything in it all onto my floors.  I'm learning to be okay with my story, my life, the way God is teaching me to be.  So should you.  Your story, life, journey is SO very different than mine.  Be proud of where you have come from, where you are going, and MOST of all, where you are NOW.

Unwrap The Grave Clothes | Getting Unstuck

I've been stuck for the last couple of months and a friend of mine posted something to her Face book page a few days ago that I read and thought, hmmmm, that's a good on. I'll tuck that away for future use, but it doesn't really apply to me now.  The quote was, "If you are spiritually stagnant, go back to the last thing God told you to do that you didn't do.....and do it." written by Pastor Steve Dulin.  However, as I was laying in bed last night at around 3:30am, reevaluating my life, I recalled this quote.  Why has my blog been on pause, why have I been in this stuck mode and I remember a blog that I wanted to write, but I didn't consider it be something God had wanted me to share right then.  I just thought, I'll get around to it one day.  Last night, God revealed that I had been, well, disobedient.

So, here it is.

One evening I was bathing my almost 3 year old little girl, Bugsy.  I whisked her out of the tub, put a towel around her, and took her out into the den to dress her in her jammie wammies, yes, jammie wammies, there is even a dance!  But, she wouldn't take off the towel.  She was, "Too cooooold!"  I pleaded and insisted that if she would just put her jammie wammies on and wrap a fuzzy blanket around her that she would be warmer.  After a few minutes of going back and forth, she finally gave in to my plan.

In that moment, the Lord spoke to me.  He said, "So many of my people refuse to take off the towel for something far better."  That got me to thinking about a sermon that I heard by Pastor Frank Bailey about not taking off the grave clothes when we've given our life to Jesus Christ.  The premise is that we accept Jesus into our lives,, but keep all those things that keep us bound, grave clothes, tied tightly around us.  God wants us to stop fighting, take off the towel, the grave clothes, and trust and let go.  There is so much freedom to be found in Jesus, but we have to take off those things that seem comfortable to us and become uncomfortable for a moment to get where we truly want to be.

"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make the roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert."  Isaiah 43: 18-19

Cookie Cutter Mom, I Am Not

I won't lie to you, when I first became a Mommy and up until recently, I struggled to find my footing in doing things in my own way.  I wasn't and still am not afraid to ask for help, because I knew then and now that I don't know it all. I found myself trying to imitate those who looked like the perfect cookie cutter mom.  I would ask them a ton of questions and then would try to implement what they did into our lives.  I would get frustrated when I couldn't finish out a project or when something didn't work for us. 

 It took me a long time to realize that just like we like to customize our homes to our specific needs, the same applies to rearing children.  This rings especially true to me since we are now homeowners.  I will spot something new and wonder why the previous owners set it up that way.  It's strange to me, but it served a purpose for them, and now I'm looking for all the ways I can customize it for us.  I digress, yes, there is a general guideline to follow, but there is no one size fits all in this thing we call parenting.   I've started to slowly find my way and then  I watched a sermon online by my friend Melodi Hawley called "Skills Like Katniss" and she said something that just illuminated a new truth for me.  She talked about how we are to "Gather" our children and duplicate us! Boom! The hammer dropped, I didn't realize until that moment that I had been trying to be Mommy Jones instead of Mommy Cara because for some reason I thought I wasn't enough for them. 

 Now, duplicating ourselves can be a very scary thing, right? (I mean, let's be honest, we are all a work in progress.) But, not if we aim to duplicate all of the good things in us, the talents and gifts that are ours. Sure, I can teach my children things I am not familiar with, but why not start with what we already know.  So, here I am, this summer, thinking about all of the fun things I want to do with Oregano and Bugsy and what I want them to learn.  Fresh with the teaching from Pastor Melodi in my head, I'm going to pour into my girls what I know. I'm going to stop trying to teach them things other moms are teaching their kids for the sake of trying to be a cookie cutter mom and I'm going to be me.  So, Oregano will learn to sew and bake this summer.  Bugsy, will make messes and eat the goodies. I will be able to teach them many things, but this is my start.  This is my start into pouring myself into them, all the of the good, talents, giftings, as much as God as I possibly can fit into their little hearts.  My goal is that my girls do not come back to me as adults and ask why I didn't find the time to give them something that I freely had to give.  Break the mold with me and be who you are without comparison. 

Galations 6:4  “Let everyone be sure to do his very best, for then he will have the personal satisfaction of work done well and won’t need to compare himself with someone else”

Sewing Lesson #2

Here's a link to the sermon I mentioned, Mommy's you will not regret watching this.  Promise. Warning, you may want more children if you do watch this.  :)  Skills Like Katniss

Beautifully Undone: Struggling To Find My Footing

Lately my cry to God has been that whatever I have to give, be it little, that it is His to do what He wills.  I had dreams back in Bible college, dreams bigger than I knew how to handle.  The world was open and I was free to do whatever I wanted.  When I think back to that time in my life, the passion and zeal for God, knowing that I would give all that I had up in a moment for Him, I don't recognize that girl.  Not that I don't have passion, zeal, and wouldn't give it all up for Him.  I'm just different because I've grown in so many ways.  Since moving I've been having a hard time finding my footing.  As of now we've found a church home.  This is the first time in a long time I'm in an area, not knowing anyone in the church, not being a part of ministry and I feel lost.  Really lost.  Driving to church Sunday I was wondering if this really was the place for me, for us.  Honestly, the response that I heard in my heart was that God wanted me to be a nobody right now. That my time would come to fulfill what He has called me to do, that He wants me to sit, be still, and find total dependence on Him instead of people.  Here I am, back where I was 15 years ago, in Bible college, crying out to God, asking that He would fill every part of me until there was no need for anything or anyone else.  It's strange and difficult.   Even I as type that out I want to erase it.  I don't want anyone to know that God spoke that to me, because I'm in new territory.  I don't want to be held accountable for giving that information out.  I want to keep that as my secret so that if I get to uncomfortable I can do what I want.  The Spirit is willing, the flesh, weak.

 Tonight, Mr. Hagge took the girls on an errand and I felt the Lord tugging me to sit in His presence.  With worship music on, He directed me to look through old pictures from Bible college and from the time I spent in Virginia.

  Looking through the missions trips and times spent in ministry, He reminded me of where I have been.  I began to long for those moments where I knew I was directly in God's will, ministering to those around me. With tears in my eyes, He soothed my heart, and said, "You have gone where I have asked you to go. You are where I want you."  This is not my end, it's a new beginning with a slow start.

I don't know.  Maybe you are struggling and don't feel like you are fulfilling God's will in your life.  Maybe you feel like you aren't doing enough because you look around and see others double timing it.  Maybe you feel like you have nothing to give.  Because of tonight, I'm here to tell you, sit down, seek the Lord, let Him speak to your heart and direct your path.  He wants to do so, if you will let Him.

Tonight I have been reminded of who I am and have been beautifully undone with hope in my heart.  I am in His will and my hands and feet are His.

Local Park Stories

Hey!  I don't know if this will be a series of blogs from me, but lately, at the park, I've met some REALLY lovely people and wanted to share my park experience yesterday.  I was headed to check out a new park and traffic was very bad.  Honestly, I felt like the Lord was redirecting me to the same park we had visited last week, so, that's where we headed.

First up is Ms. Debra.  Mother of two daughters.  One very ill, one highly educated.  Her sick child, Ashley, has had numerous surgeries from a debilitating sickness with no cure. She's headed for another surgery as we speak.  I made sure to tell Ms. Debra I would pray for them, would you join me?  Just one little prayer?  She's from New Orleans, but raised her children in Baton Rouge.  She was a care taker for disabled adults and now cares for her grandson during the day.  What I loved most about Ms. Debra was that it was obvious that she truly has a heart to aid and assist others.  What broke me down was when she told me she is now caring for her great niece from Texas to give her a chance at life, to excel at school, to have a childhood.  This precious child was looking after her 18 year old autistic brother, was made fun of in school because she couldn't care for her own personal hygiene because she was looking after another.  Right then and there, Ms. Debra began to cry and my heart cried with hers.  I praised her and encouraged her for being such an incredible human being. We hugged, she headed home. It was my honor to have met Ms. Debra and I hope to run into her again.

Next up is a lady I will call, Sunshine, because I failed to get her name.  She was there looking after a mentally disabled adult.  I was thrilled that she was there because it gave me a great opportunity to teach my girls about others who are different.  I encouraged Oregano to go and talk to Rebecca and she expressed that she was a little afraid, but she went and talked to her anyway.  I walked a few feet away with Bugsy and to my delight I saw Reagan walk up to Sunshine and began to ask questions.  They talked for a long time, so long in fact that Reagan snuggled up to her.  LOL!  Then Oregano and Bugsy played with Rebecca.  Then off we went, back to home, sweet, home.

My heart was full yesterday afternoon.  Not because of me, but because I had the opportunity to peer into others lives, to learn from them, hear their heart, their stories.  Ultimately, the Lord is giving me the opportunity to let others know they are prayed for and to be encouraging. This is not me giving myself a pat on the back, but rather, me saying yes to God, yes to a mission. It's not always comfortable, but the rewards, immediate and long term, are fantastic.

What are your stories from meeting strangers? I would love to hear about them.

PS. I'm so sorry if my stories seem choppy.  I'm trying not to get too lengthy.  Stay with me.  :)

Church Shopping

I hope this will be the LAST time we ever have to church shop.  For us, moving to a new area isn't just about finding a new home, but also a new home church.  For me, it's a MAJOR decision.  Church, for me, is about forming a new family, lifelong friends, serving, ministry, leadership, covering, life.  It's life.  My heart is to serve and devote my life to being a follower of Jesus Christ.  That means that I will serve along others to grow the church.  That means seeing the good, bad, and ugly side of our human nature.  Can you imagine being able to pick out your own blood family members?  Quite a daunting task.  FOR. EV. ER. Okay, I'm being dramatic, but you get the point.  This is serious business.  We have been here for two months.  We have visited two churches so far and I will visit one by myself this weekend.  This journey, so far, has caused me to really check my motives and my willingness to sacrifice what I want to be where God wants me to be.  Am I willing to drive an extra long time, to jump into a mega church (Which feels like jumping into an ocean by myself.), to commit to a church that no one recommended to us?  It's also caused me to question how I become involved in a church.  Do I commit to something that is easy, familiar, fill in an easy hole or do I commit to anything God will call me too no matter the discomfort?  

This process has caused me to dig deep, to really consider where we get planted, not just to commit to what "feels" good.  We are still on this journey.  Truthfully, I hope it ends soon, because, it's tough to visit churches to see where you could be used and changed and not know if it's going to be "home".  Truth is, as tough as it is, I am fully relying on God to direct our paths, to grant us peace, and to call us to the perfect place in His timing, not mine.

Spit Shine

I think of a TON of blog posts to type up.  Most are too short and if I have more than one idea in the same thought, I seem to be unable to connect the two. So, I've decided to keep it short. Here goes it.

Normally, I clean my wedding and engagement ring every Sunday morning before church.  No particular reason, other than it's easy for me to remember to clean it if it's on a schedule.  Today, I didn't because I was rushing around, which doesn't happen often.  On my way out the door, I decided I would give it a spit shine.  Well, I looked at the ring afterwards and it wasn't as shiny as it usually is after dipping it completely in cleaner and scrubbing it down.  That's when it hit me.  That's how we want all of our life to work.  Little work and great results.  My ring will not sparkle and shine unless I soak it and scrub all of the cracks and underneath the setting.  Our lives will not shine unless we allow God to get all up in our in lives and remove all the dirt and grime that just loves to settle in all the small places of our being.  It's not easy giving it all over to Him, it's not easy to truly trust, to truly allow God to REPLACE all the yuck with who is wants us to be, a mirror image of Him.  My prayer is that I wouldn't just pretty up the surface of who I am, but that I would also clean out the places that I cannot see that prevent God from shining all throughout my life.