Ohhhhhhhhh, this post! This post! This post! I'm an old fashioned kind of lady. You may not agree with this post, but this is my story and this is my song and it's not pretty, but I'm a work in progress.
Your husband is not your child, your extra baggage, a burden, an animal. He is not to be made fun of, mocked, judged, criticized or ridiculed behind his back or in front of his face. He choose you. He picked you out of all of the other women in the world. He picked you for a reason, you lit up his world, you supported his dreams, you respected him. Do you still?
I've been married for almost 11 years. Up until about 10 years into the marriage I thought that I was hot stuff. I was the Christian wife men dream to have. Mr. Hagge has no complaints or concerns. How dare he ask me to change, criticize me, judge me! Sure, I'd admit to fault. Sure, I had some changing to do, but other than that, GET OFF MY BACK MAN!
Well, low and behold, my dear husband was away on a deployment and don't you know that that's the time God picks to give me my report card on my wifely duties. I mean, here I am, worshiping in church, minding my own business, praying for my husband, and WHAM! God broke me. I'm in shock, sobbing. He revealed to me my contributions to problems we had long ago and some we had at the moment. It wasn't pretty, I was shattered, in the best way. Thinking back, I knew that I wasn't humble enough to have had that revelation before that moment. I would have shirked it off, "Nope, not me!'. Then, I owned up to all of it, all that God had revealed and apologized. It was the most real moment for me in our entire marriage and one of the toughest. That moment has brought about major change in me over time and I've never been more thankful to God for breaking me. Then, months later, I realized how my behaviors translated into utter disrespect through reading Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, I learned that he needs respect like I need love, unconditional. The Bible actually commands us to unconditionally respect our husbands as they are to unconditionally love us. Ephesians 5:33 "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, AND the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." Yes, that Bible verse will slap you all the way to Timbuktu and notice that it's not really a suggestion. It took me a couple of weeks for that to absorb and eventually lead to another round of apologies.
Here are 4 things that I immediately changed.
1. You are to hold your husbands in high esteem, speak highly of him everywhere you go. I'm sure you could think of at least one nice thing to say and then keep your mouth shut! I'll take it even one step further. If you are around a gaggle of women who are slamming their husbands, WALK AWAY! I've had to do that. I was grieved at the way these women were talking about their husbands. Don't do it ladies! Don't get caught up feeling like you have to say something to fit in, you can walk away. If you feel like you need to speak lowly of your spouse, maybe it's time for counseling. Side note: Thank you dear friend for encouraging me in this area. You know who you are. I'm sure I slammed my husband a time or two, but my go to phrases were, "Yes! Mr. Hagge does that too!" or "All men are like that." I said those things just to have something to say, it's not necessary.
2. Your husband is your priority. How would you feel if he put everyone else above you, we women can get SO busy that we put everyone else before our spouses. It's unintentional mostly, which means we need to get intentional about changing it.
3. Ask for his input and value what he says! So many times as a mommy we have so many decisions to make and we just make them. We don't consider our husbands because, well, we are so busy. Stop for a second, ask for his input. Pull him into your world and let him know his opinion matters to you.
4. Just be with him. You don't have to sit and chatter like a madwoman expressing every emotion you posses every time you are with him. Just sit. I read in Love and Respect that men like to share experiences, shoulder to shoulder, whereas a woman tells her experiences through words. So, just be there, watch him work for a few minutes, read a book next to him, but be silent. He'll appreciate that.
You two are team, you are not in command, he is not your child to boss around. He is a man (shocking) not a woman, he thinks differently, processes differently, makes choices differently, doesn't want to talk about his feelings all day. He is not your robot. Let him be who he is, let him fold those socks his way, correct the children his way, be himself around your friends, spend his money the way he wants, etc..without criticism. You are a team. He loves you. Stop questioning it, move on, and embrace the man God created him to be.
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