Hitting Home - Pre-Deployment

Lunch with my mother in law.  Driving to the base to pick up an item.  Grasping his hand, squeezing my eyes shut willing my mind to remember the grooves in his hand, the size, the warmth, how it fits into mine.  Sunglasses on my face to disguise my red eyes and attempting to cover up the tears streaming down, repeating to myself in my mind, just breathe, just breathe, just breathe.  It's hitting home.  It's here.  In 3 days he will be gone for 11 months, with maybe a brief visit in 2.5 months.  Just breathe, saying it as I'm typing this, reminding myself to breathe, it will be okay. 

Through processing this I'm reminded of loved ones gone, in my life, and in others.  The grief, the despair  the hopelessness of never seeing them again on this earth.  Then flipping over the coin and rejoicing in the promises that Jesus has given.  Thanking God for the glorious place called Heaven.  Trying to daydream about what that day will feel like, what it will look like, will it have seemed to come quickly.  This is where my two thoughts collide.  

God willing, he will return home.  Although his deployment and absence will be painful, I know that God has an extra dose of grace being sent my way.  I know that He is covering my girls and sheltering them from harm in any aspect of their life.  I know that He is providing a peace that will surpass all understanding.  I know that He is doing those things even now.

So, in these next few days, I will cherish every single moment.  Speak every word thoughtfully.  Love with all my heart.  Giving it all away, hoping to fill up his love tank enough to last him until the next time.  I'm thanking God for phones and computers with Skype.  
And even though I can seem a bit dramatic and a little over the top with my emotions, I actually do know that all will be well.  The next 11 months will pass, they will pass slowly or quickly, they will pass with joy or sadness, wonderful experiences or frustrations.  The choice is mine and I choose all things that are good and joyful.  Thank you God for choices.

CH